


P.S. I Love You

by systematicmurder



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M, Marriage, based on a movie, honestly i hate myself for thinking of this, it hurt, souyo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-12 05:16:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4466801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/systematicmurder/pseuds/systematicmurder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the movie. P.S. I Love You</p>
            </blockquote>





	P.S. I Love You

“Yu, I can’t fucking believe you!”

“What, what did I do?”

“Telling my parents about how much sex we have, what the hell!”

“It is talk between adults right?”

“Oh my God! What about the whole ‘having babies’ business? now my mom is going to be expecting dozens of brats!”

Yu didn’t respond to that. Yosuke poked his head out from their closet and gave him an extremely furious look. He raised his eyebrows awaiting a response from his husband.

“I’d like a dozen kids, it would be fun.” He shrugged removing his dress shirt. Their cheap queen sized bed creaked as he sat to remove his black polish shoes. A pair of pants were thrown at his head.

“Take this seriously, for once, Yu!” Yosuke groaned as he angrily threw his clothes on the ground. They have been doing this same angry dance for weeks. Well, it was mostly Yosuke being angry and complaining about every single thing they didn’t have and Yu trying to avoid the problem. Their latest problem was a typical argument almost every couple had. Kids. They both wanted them, but, their financial situation was not ideal for one. That made the both of them very aware of the amount of debt they had. From school, rent, the wedding, and so many other things they were poor and never accepted financial help from friends or family.

Now Yosuke was storming their small apartment ranting about their disaster of a dinner with Yosuke’s parents. Yu tuned out this part of their arguments, the part where Yosuke would list off every single thing they needed to get done and hearing about their impending responsibilities honestly put Yu off. 

“Say something!” Yosuke stopped right in front of Yu, who was still sitting on the bed, he made a gesture.

“Yosuke,” he sighed running a hand through his hair. He stood up to look Yosuke in the eyes and tried to lean forward for a kiss. Yosuke groaned and turned away. Another sigh.

“What do you want me to say!”

Yu raised his voice more than normal and now he was sure the neighbors could hear through the thin walls.

“Say how disappointed you are, say how much you want for us to have kids, say how much you miss having hot nasty sex at random times of the day, just anything!” Yosuke was on the verge of tears because the fury was unbearable. He leaned over a counter for support with a strong grip to keep himself grounded.

“Alright, okay, I miss having hot nasty sex.” Yu said.

Yosuke almost gave himself up there. Yu looked too enticing with his shirt off and only in his black sweats. Through some miracle he was able to resist the temptation and rolled his eyes. He angrily stomped to his side of the bed and balled himself up under the covers.

“Don’t pull that, Yosuke, you’re the one that wanted to talk! Look, I’ll admit I was a bit too personal tonight. That was very immature of me. I’m just tired of us doing this and I don’t mean the arguing I mean this.” Yu raised his arms and gesturing the whole apartment.  Yosuke removed the covers over his head.

“I’m always fucking complaining about this shit apartment you always avoid talking about it, you well fucking know that I am tired of being stuck here. I want kids, I want a bigger place, I want a stable future, Yu!” Now they were getting somewhere and for once Yosuke felt they made progress.

“Alright for starters you should get a job you actually like.” Yu knew that was the wrong thing to say.

“Oh, oh really?! What about you Mr. Jobless! Don’t think I didn’t hear you talking to my dad about opening your own business?” The brunette’s hand went towards the bedside table to grab the remote and tried to land it square on the others head. He dodged it of course and it only left a dent in their wall.

“Kou and I have a feeling that opening a bar could really help us!” He desperately tried to defend his idea. Yosuke would have been all for it if they were ten years younger. Now it sounded childish and like a huge waste of money.

“That is risky, Yu! I need you to understand that taking risks is not what we need right now. Please!” He balled up his hands in the covers. The desperation and worry in his voice made Yu drop the subject.

Yu nodded in response and Yosuke knew he understood. 3 years of marriage plus their 11 years of being best friends made it possible for them to understand each other without words. Though sometimes things get lost in translation thus the arguing. The years were rough on the married couple. Yu had trouble getting a stable job and Yosuke became a general manager of his own Junes. Yosuke sighed, ending their discussion for the night Yu disappeared behind a partition that separated the bedroom from the living room.

Yosuke couldn’t help but smile as a slow jazz number played from their old stereo and a smooth pale leg appeared and stretched out showing off the muscle Yu still kept in shape after all those years. Then Yu slowly danced into view making a show of it. He made slow movements with his hips and teasingly tugged at the hem of his sweats. Yosuke covered his face in a pillow experiencing a case of second hand embarrassment. Putting one foot in front of the other Yu walked toward the bed and propped one foot up. Yosuke looked up.

“Like what you see, baby?” Yu waggled his eyebrows. Yosuke couldn’t help the laugh that erupted from him, he reached to Yu’s hand and pulled him down.

“Get in bed, you weirdo.”

Yu scooted over towards Yosuke and their foreheads touched.

“That’s why you love me.”

“No, I hate you.” Yu pouted and pretended to look sad. He leaned forward till their lips touched. If Yu was asked what his favorite part about Yosuke was he’d have to say it was his lips. He had other favorite parts too of course, but the feeling of his lips on Yosuke’s was something electric. Every single second of their kiss was his favorite, even the raw corner of his lips, where it tasted metallic, because his husband had a habit of chewing it while nervous.  The way Yosuke drew circles on his back with his thumb as he held him tight. Yu loved their steamy make outs when they just couldn’t keep their tongues off each other, but these kisses were his favorite. He felt Yosuke’s love, his devotion, his anger, he felt everything through a single kiss and he hoped Yosuke felt him. They fit together perfectly and they were perfect.

“You know,” Yosuke started as they parted and they stared deep into each other. “We may not have the best things,” he shifted on their bed making the springs groan underneath as if trying for emphasis. “yeah, we may be poor but, we sure as hell got each other.. and… And I think that’s what really matters. Right?” He smiled at Yu.

“God, I love you.” Yu stroked Yosuke’s cheeks and pulled him closer under his chin. He settled perfectly and wrapped his arms around the other’s waist. Yu threw a leg over Yosuke’s practically caging him there beside him.

“I love you too.”

* * *

 

 

It was cold outside and Yosuke rushed inside the Dojima house. Inside he brushed the snow off his black coat and black slacks. Once his shoes were placed beside the line of others he walked for the living room. All previous conversation stopped and Yosuke’s breath was caught in his throat. In the living room the furniture has been moved away to make room for the dozens of people that have shown up. There was no room for chairs so everyone stood and watched him as he made his way towards the table that was draped in a red tablecloth. On top sat a large portrait of Yu smiling, it was one of his special smiles, the ones he reserved for Yosuke. He figured he must have taken that photo at some point. In front of the large portrait was the urn where his husband’s ashes were placed. Chie appeared next to him.

“You’re late.” She sounded annoyed and Yosuke couldn’t help but suddenly feel the same.

“What the hell, Chie, you think I was fucking eager to get here as soon as possible?” He whispered back harshly. She looked down clearly ashamed, she huffed and quietly walked back over to their friends who were right beside the table. He clearly missed the beginning as he watched Rise, Teddie, Kanji, Yukiko, Naoto and Chie each unfold their own piece of paper. He didn’t have his own eulogy written, he put off writing that for months. Yu reminded him about it constantly around the end. It annoyed him how much his husband was taking dying so easily. He honestly wasn’t planning on sharing his feelings and crying in front of an audience. He just wanted to do his part and leave as soon as possible.

He walked over to his friends last in line. There, up front he could see the different faces that arrived. First he caught a glance at Nanako who looked cried out, her face pale, as if she’s seen a ghost. Dojima, old as he was now still managed to look intimidating and stoic, he held Nanako’s hand. Kou and Daisuke were still inseparable they were having idle chatter, Kou taking a swig from a flask. He’d have to ask for whatever was in there later. He saw everyone Yu used to talk to practically the whole of Inaba was packed in the small house. There were some people even sitting at the stairs. Unsurprisingly he didn’t see Yu’s parents, something about being stuck in Europe because of the winter weather. Yosuke couldn’t really be mad at that, he hasn’t seen Yu’s parents in years.

Dojima walked over to them with a microphone and handed it over to Chie who was first in line.

“Hello everyone, I’m Chie, one Yu’s best friends…” Her fell to a whisper at the end. She swallowed and cleared her throat. “I’ll keep this short, though there’s a billion things I want to say, but we got…  six more of these. So…” She nervously looked at her paper and Yosuke could see she was shaking. “Yu meant the world to us…. He brought us together, and taught us to accept ourselves, I will forever be grateful for that. I’ll always be grateful that I got to know him, I consider myself lucky. I’m sure a lot of us do. Knowing him though, he wouldn’t want us to mourn his death, but celebrate his life. So each of us up here will share our favorite stories about him to remember how amazing he truly was.” She ended it with a smile she wasn’t able to stop the tears as she told her story. Yosuke didn’t pay attention to her story not even to the rest of them. He remembered these stories anyways, he was there. He didn’t want to hear about how things were better back then.

Then his turn came. He took the microphone from Rise’s hands and look towards the crowd. They were wearing faint smiles from hearing the stories. Seeing them happy pissed him off. They weren’t supposed to be happy. Not when Yu was gone and he felt like he was falling through a black hole. It was what Yu wanted he wanted his funeral to be a fun one. With people celebrating his life rather than mourning. He even had set up a band to play his favorite music, which was set up entirely of popular pop music. Yosuke argued about the set list, but Yu told him “Just enjoy the irony of it.” He never understood Yu’s dry humor, but God, he loved that about him.

Yosuke did not expect the sob that immediately erupted from him the second he opened his mouth. The microphone fell from his hands as he made a swift movement to grab the urn from the table. He held it tight not trusting his trembling hands to keep it from falling. He was red with embarrassment and shame. Shame because he wasn’t able to keep it together, because he wasn’t able to even fulfill Yu’s needs even in death.

He was out the door before anyone could stop him. He even forgot his shoes and his feet were touching the snow. He didn’t stop running till he made it to the train station he ignored the buzzing of his phone. As if God was pitying him there was one more train leaving to the city. Inside he was relieved to find no one was aboard. He took a seat next to the window and held tight onto the silver urn.

At home, he slipped off the black clothes and crawled into bed with the urn at the bedside table. He searched under the bed to where he remembered he saw his phone last. There were a couple missed calls he chose to ignore them. His fingers trembled as he scrolled to Yu’s name. He dialed. Somewhere in the room he heard the ringtone Yu set for him.

“Hello this is Yu Narukami, I’m not available at the moment but, please leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”

As soon he heard his husband’s voice emit from his phone he let out a shaky breath. Once the message was over he redialed. It stung Yosuke like a thousand needles hearing the disembodied voice. He wanted to hear that voice form different words. Words like ‘I love you’ and ‘I miss you’. He curled up into the sheets deliberately leaving the spot next to him empty. He’s never felt so cold.

He didn’t stop crying.

* * *

 

The neighbors banged on the wall for probably the 100th time. Yosuke ignored them for the 100th time and sang louder.

“Everybody loves a winner, so nobody loves me!!!” His voice cracked almost embarrassingly at the end of the note. Usually he was conscious about his singing voice and Yu would be there to tell him his voice was perfect. Now he couldn’t give a shit about who heard. He turned on the balls of his feet to strike a dramatic pose to match the mood of the song and for a moment he felt great.

It’s been three weeks since anybody has heard from Yosuke. There was voicemails piling up and he hasn’t showered in days. The living room was a mess, bags of half-eaten chips were strewn about and there was a stain where he dropped ice cream a couple days ago. He was sure there was something rotting in the fridge because the whole apartment stunk. Yosuke could almost hear Yu nagging at him to clean up after himself.

He’s been trying to keep the thought of Yu out of his mind for the past few weeks. He’s hidden every item of clothing of his in a drawer along with the urn. The little sticky notes he left around the house with reminders, his coffee mug, and the dinner plates he once bought were all in a box. Yosuke wasn’t planning on getting rid of them, but he couldn’t look at them.

An upbeat song came up next on the radio and he swayed to the beat. It was awkward and uncoordinated. He hopped onto the sofa and held up his brush, which he hasn’t used if his unkempt and wilder than usual hair was anything to give by, he sang into his brush.

The loud music, his singing, along with his back turned to the front door prevented him from seeing his friends suddenly barge in with balloons and a cake.

“Sur-prise…” Their voices trailed off. They couldn’t help but notice the smell right away. Something was definitely rotting. Kanji dropped a bright wrapped box and Yosuke turned to the noise. His face first went pale then flushed with red. He jumped behind the sofa to quickly put on a shirt. He quickly tried to explain himself after he turned off the music. Chie raised her hand to stop him.

“This is what you’ve been doing the past few weeks? This is why you couldn’t for one measly second answer our calls?!” She fumed. She set down a cake on the dirty dining table. She grimaced at the mess, as did Yukiko.

That would have set him off if he wasn’t so busy not caring. Even seeing his friends in who knows how long didn’t lift his spirits. He wished he had a trap door so the floor would swallow them up. It was a bitter thing to think.

“Chie, we aren’t here to judge, we are here to celebrate Yosuke’s birthday remember?” Rise said with a warning tone. She set down a stack of papers and a package from the mail on the table.

“We got your mail for you.” Kanji nervously explained, he looked uncomfortable and Yosuke couldn’t blame him. He couldn’t imagine what all this must look like from an outside perspective. He muttered a quick thanks and took the mail from the table. Everyone sat down on a seat swiping their hands on the seat to clean any crumbs left behind.

They all nervously looked at Yosuke, waiting for a response.

“Glad you guys came by.” He said in the end. He wasn’t sure if that was completely the truth. He didn’t say anymore as he took the package from the stack of mail.

“How’s the widowed life going?” Yukiko carefully said.

_I want to die._

Yosuke hummed, “It’s… going.” Bills. Bills. Bills. Check. Coupons. Boring. He examined the box, there was no return address. Yukiko seemed satisfied with his answer and smiled.

He worked on the tape at the top of the box. He wondered if there was such a thing as spam packages. When he finally opened the box he went still and the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end.

“What the hell?” he said and took what was inside out to show to everyone.

It was a cake. An orange cake with a ‘happy birthday Yosuke’ written in blue icing on it. Everyone else looked confused.

“Yosuke, you can’t have two cakes that’s greedy!” Teddie yelled. It was clear with the looks on everyone’s faces that no one in the room has gotten him that. Naoto looked inside the box and reached her hand in it.

“That’s not all.” She handed over a letter to Yosuke.

If the thick fancy envelope wasn’t anything that gave it away, it was certainly the handwriting.

‘to my love’

He knew he had a bad feeling about the cake. Was it a cruel practical joke? No, it couldn’t be. Sure, some of his employees at work hated him, but they weren’t cruel.  He almost dropped the envelope and he didn’t notice when everyone had started crowding around him.

His mouth felt extremely dry and his hands trembled. He felt like he should open it but his shock prevented him. He handed the envelope over to Chie, she gave him a weird look but opened it nonetheless. The paper crinkled under her hands. She gave it a quick once over and handed it back to Yosuke

“G-god damn it.” Yosuke’s voice came out hoarse. He put two hands on the table and leaned. Preparing himself for what came next.

_Dear Yosuke,_

_Happy birthday! I bought you a cake as you can see. It’s strawberry, your favorite. I know this may seem sudden to you and I’m sorry. But honestly, I’m not ready to say goodbye yet. Knowing you, you probably aren’t either yet. Also knowing you, the apartment probably looks like a rat’s nest I apologize in advance for giving you much grief._

_This isn’t the only letter I have written. I have more, more for each day until the inevitable eventually happens on my end. I hope these letters help you get back up on your feet. Having you read and follow these letters is my last dying wish, so please do your best._

_First thing’s first, SHOWER. Change. Go out with the guys. They probably brought you cake and presents. Eat the cake for last. I do not even want to think about how much junk food you probably ate. Go back to that karaoke bar where you embarrassed yourself, you know the one. Everyone has to go. Don’t let Naoto and Kanji worm their way out of this one. And enjoy yourself. I miss you just as much as you miss me. Talk to you soon in the next letter._

_From, Yu_

_P.S. I love you._

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> that should be it... maayybe i'll come back to this after i finish my other fic. I wrote this on a whim and through my tear-filled eyes so i kinda wish i had written more since it seems kind of rushed to me. It probably is. The scenes play out better in my head, i'm sorry.


End file.
